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Love Our Talks
I'm your host KLove, we dive into juicy topics about love, relationships, dating, wellness and entertainment. We will also have special guests that will join the conversation.
Love Our Talks
Chemistry Over Attraction
Have you ever found yourself wondering why some people need a deep emotional connection before feeling any sexual attraction? This episode of Love Our Talks promises to clear up the mystery behind demisexuality. We'll explore why building a strong emotional bond is essential for demisexuals to experience sexual attraction, and how this differs from more commonly understood forms of attraction. Expect to walk away with a clear understanding of what it means to be demisexual, breaking down misconceptions and highlighting the unique experiences of those who identify this way.
Join us for a heartfelt discussion, grab your favorite drink and get ready to engage in some real love vibes as we dive into a topic that broadens our understanding of love and attraction.
Thank you joining Love Our Talks and listening to these juicy topics!
Hey, hey, hey, loves. Welcome to another episode of Love Our Talks, where we dive into all things juicy. Today we are diving into something you might have heard about. Maybe you don't fully understand it, but we are going to go deeper. I know we talk about deep things and deep conversations, but we want to do real love vibes here. We're talking about chemistry over attraction, love beyond attraction.
Speaker 1:Okay, so, like I said, something that you fully, probably just don't understand, and it's something that they call and that we call out here it's called a demisexuality. So what's that all about? We're talking about people who don't catch feelings or get attracted just by looking at someone. No, they need that emotional vibe first before anything else goes down. Now we're going to break it all down and lay it all out for you, and we're going to also talk about some misconceptions when it comes to this and share some relatable stories that show what it really means to be demisexual. So come on with me grab your wine, grab your tea, grab your coffee. Grab your tea, grab your coffee, grab your smoothie, whatever your choice is, and let's go ahead and get right into it, you guys. So demisexuality is all about catching that sexual vibe only when you've already caught deep feelings for someone, okay, only when you've already caught deep feelings for someone, okay. So it's part of that asexuality spectrum. But don't get it twisted, it doesn't mean that they aren't interested in sex at all. It just means that attraction only hits after that emotional connection is locked in. After that emotional connection is locked in Now, like most folks who might feel that instant physical attraction demisexuals no, they need it.
Speaker 1:Okay, they need to really know that person first. So let me paint a picture for you. You know you've been tight with someone for years, right, sharing everything from the deepest talks, you know, to random text messages, memes and jokes and things like that. And at first you see them as just a friend. But as you get closer emotionally, your feelings start to change and you're like wait, wait a minute, do I? Hmm, do I kind of like like that person? Now? That's how it can go for a demisexual person. That emotional bond has to be there first. Or let's just say you're out here dating and you met someone. I mean he is fine or she is drop dead gorgeous, right, but it just it ain't clicking, right, it ain't clicking yet. It's like, yeah, you're cute and all, you fine and all or whatever, but I'm not feeling anything yet.
Speaker 1:So for demisexuals, attraction kicks in only after some serious emotional bonding has occurred. So look, you know people tend to think demisexuals are just slow to warm up or that they are just shy or uninterested in sex. But that ain't it. They're not just waiting for that right moment, they need that real connection. They need that right timing to feel anything on a sexual level. Also, it's not the same as just wanting to take things slow. No, for demisexuals it's not even about slowing down. It's about that deep bond being the key that unlocks attraction.
Speaker 1:So demisexuals out here might be wondering you know how do I navigate the dating scene when everyone's talking about you know, love at first sight and instant chemistry. You know the key is being open about who you are and let potential partners know that that's who you are. Okay, that attraction isn't just instant for you, it's something that's going to have to grow. And if you're dating someone who identifies as demisexual, listen, look, you have to be patient, because patient is everything. Don't rush them. Respect their need to feel that emotional connection before anything else comes into play. Else comes into play. Now, when that emotional foundation is there, you know, the relationship can be so much stronger because it's built on more than just looks. And at the end of the day, demisexuality is part of the bigger conversation about how we experience love and attraction differently. You know, you got to recognize that not everyone is going to catch feelings in the same way or at the same pace, and that's OK. You know, it's all about understanding and respecting each other's experiences, right? So If you've never heard of demisexuality before, you've just learned something new today. So take that with you, share it and let's keep the combo going. Now we're going to shift a little bit of gears here.
Speaker 1:So for many of us out here, the older we get, the more we realize that physical attraction alone it just don't cut it anymore. It's not about who has the best smile and all this. You know facial structures and muscles and things like that. It's about who can connect with our minds and our souls. This is where demisexuality comes into play.
Speaker 1:With some women, especially those who have matured past the surface level stuff, we start asking what's their character like? How do they support me emotionally and can we vibe on a deeper level? I mean, those are questions that matter now and for so many women, especially those that are in their late 30s, 40s and beyond. We move past dating just to get that initial spark. It's more about emotional compatibility, shared values and deeper conversations. I mean this ties into demisexuality experience, where attraction can't even be gained unless there's that solid emotional foundation. And you know, maybe back in the day I mean, we've been drawn to someone just because of how they looked, you know how they made us laugh and feel for that night. But now, if we can't connect on a deeper emotional level, that physical attraction just doesn't even cut it anymore. You know, I have older friends that are single right, and when I ask them about dating and trust me, you know they aren't interested in what's going on out here in these streets. Okay, if it's not stimulating them on a deeper level for companionship, it's a no for them. They'd rather stay single. I've heard it. I've heard it. So think about how much more fulfilling relationships will become when they're based on true emotional intimacy.
Speaker 1:Whether you're a demisexual or simply someone who's matured in your dating journey, you know the connection has to be deeper than just the physical and we're looking for someone who can be a partner in all aspects of life, like I said, mentally, spiritually and emotionally. Now let's be real, ladies. There was a time when you may have been drawn to someone just because of how they looked or the instant chemistry right that you felt, but as you matured, that instant attraction isn't enough anymore. Okay, for a lot of us out here that are older, it's about finding someone who can connect with us, who literally we feel right and we literally feel it. It's the feeling now we have to tingle. It has to be something that's stimulating, and this is where demisexuality really speaks to what so many of us are experiencing now.
Speaker 1:Okay, we just put the name to it, that's it. You know you want to build something meaningful, something lasting, and that starts with how someone makes, like I said, you feel, how they make our heart and minds light up, not just our eyes, because we've done that before, okay. So see, most mature women have lived, you know, we've loved and we've also made, been hurt. So now what matters most is whether someone can connect with you, and on a deeper level. And you're not just out here dating for looks anymore and that's superficial stuff anymore. No, you're dating for connection, for that emotional substance. So think about it the more mature a woman gets, the more, she realizes that a good relationship isn't just about what's on the outside. Like I said, we've done that before. We got to be able to connect, we have to know you know how to communicate, okay, and who can meet her where she is mentally, and for a lot of women, that's where attraction starts, that's where that tingle feeling goes. So, fellas, I hope you're listening to this. So if you're out here putting you know, I know you want to look good Nothing wrong with a man looking good but you got to now learn how to stimulate that woman on a whole nother level. You got to get to her heart, to her soul, okay, you got to reach beyond. It's got to go beyond the surface, because that's older, it's played out now.
Speaker 1:Okay, let's talk about something real quick. Now for a couple of examples. You know, maybe you met someone and, yeah, like I said, they're attractive, but it's their conversation, their kindness and their ability to connect with you, like I said, on a deeper level that draws you into them, and so for many, that's, like I said, that's where that attraction starts. So, gosh, y'all gotta listen to me on this, please listen to this. And maybe you're dating someone, like I said, who looks good on paper. What about that? Everything on paper looks good, but you're just not feeling that spark. So then, what do you do Then? What do you do Then?
Speaker 1:You meet someone else who might not be exactly your type physically, but that emotional connection is undeniable. That's the shift that happens when we mature. It's about looking past what's on the surface and focusing on what's real. And what's going to last Looks fade all the time, but what's on the inside and what's going to last? Okay, looks fade all the time, but what's on the inside, it's going to last.
Speaker 1:Right, if I've grown those days of just looking for a good time or a pretty face, you're in a stage of life where you need more A partner who understands you, who makes you feel emotionally safe and valued. Okay, that's what drives attraction now, not just physical looks and how well someone can flirt. You know anybody can be a flirt, right? This is why demisexuality makes sense for a lot of us. It's about needing that deeper bond first, and that's exactly what many women are seeking nowadays. As we evolve in our dating lives, you learn that real chemistry comes from connecting on a mental and emotional level first. That physical attraction will follow when that connection is genuine and strong. So how do you date a game when you need that emotional connection first?
Speaker 1:The key is patience and being intentional about who you let into your space. You have to give yourself the time to get to know someone beyond the surface. We ain't talking about just jumping into bed right away. Stop it. Stop doing that. Don't give yourself up so easy. Okay, they have to now start to meet you on an emotional level first. I'm sorry, those times are over. It's over with Now for those who are demisexual or just in a stage of life where the emotional connection is your priority. Take your time. Like I said, don't rush the process Just because society tells you that attraction has to happen instantly. No, we know better now and you deserve that deeper connection.
Speaker 1:So, ladies, as you continue to grow and evolve, let's embrace the fact that you know women out here. We're no longer settling for just the looks or superficial connections. You're out here looking for something real. Okay, hear me, you're looking for something real now, something that speaks to your heart, right? So I hope you take what I've said today into heart and just put that in your life now.
Speaker 1:Incorporate that, change things up, because if things aren't working out and you're still single. Maybe you got to switch some things up. Aren't working out and you're still single. Maybe you got to switch some things up. Maybe you, your eyes, have been doing this thing for years and you've been attracting with your eyes. You've been feeling with your eyes. Let's switch it up. Let's stop feeling with our eyes. Okay, eyes aren't for feeling. Okay, we're for looking, but our hearts are for feeling. Our emotions are in heart. It's for feeling. So let's start to do that. Okay, and, like I said, it's okay to take your time and prioritize that emotional intimacy, because that's where the magic really happens and it's worth waiting for.
Speaker 1:So, all right, guys, thank you for listening to me today. Until next time, with Love, our Talks, I thank you, thank you. Thank you so much Because without you guys listening to me and tuning in, look, I couldn't do this without you guys. So I am so thankful and I just want to say that I am beyond thankful for that. So continue to tune in.
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