Love Our Talks

Outgrowing Friendships: The Silent Breakup

• KLove • Season 2 • Episode 19

Share episode

We dive into the painful phenomenon of outgrowing friendships and the silent breakups that occur without drama or explanation. Growth is beautiful but not everyone grows at the same pace, and sometimes the hardest part is when friends take your evolution personally.

• Not all friendships end in dramatic fallout—many just quietly fade away
• Growth is natural but can create distance when friends aren't evolving at the same rate
• Life changes like career moves or new relationships can pull friends onto different paths
• Some people take your personal growth as a threat or criticism of their own choices
• Learning to accept that not everyone is meant to go where you're going
• Personal story of a friendship that faded when K Love started evolving
• How to handle outgrown friendships—accept evolution, stop holding onto dead weight
• Give yourself time to mourn the friendship like any other relationship loss
• Let go without hate or drama—you can wish people well from a distance

Make sure to check out my new book "Love's Secret Playbook: The Guide to Winning at Love" available now on Amazon and at theloveplaceNet. It's a workbook designed to help you develop self-love, identify relationship red flags, and build healthy partnerships.


We want to hear from you!

Thank you joining  Love Our Talks and listening to these juicy topics!

Speaker 1:

Hey, loves, welcome back to another episode of Love, our Talks, the podcast where we dive into all things juicy about love, dating, relationships, entertainment and wellness. I am your host, k Love, and today, oh my gosh, our topic is pretty juicy, y'all. I mean, we're diving into some juicy stuff that we're. You know we're talking about our growing friendships, the silent breakup, all right. So, like I said, welcome back. And if you've been following this series, you already know we've been talking about some real topics here when it comes to friendships. We started with why sisterhoods turn sour, then we got into the jealousy factor and now we're diving into something just as painful but way less talked about, and that's the silent breakup of outgrowing friendships. So I want you to grab your wine, grab your tea, your coffee, your smoothie, whatever your drink of choice is, or some water to hydrate, right, Whatever your drink of choice is, sit back, relax and let's go ahead and let's dive right into it. So let's be real.

Speaker 1:

Not all friendships end in some big, dramatic fallout. Sometimes it's quiet, no argument, no betrayal. No, no girl, we're done text, just distance. You know a shift and feeling that. It's a feeling that y'all you're just not on the same page anymore, and for a lot of us that hurts, because how do you mourn a friendship that didn't even officially end? It just kind of faded away. So that is what we're unpacking today.

Speaker 1:

Why do friendships change when one person starts evolving, and why do people take growth so personally, and how do you navigate the emotions that come with realizing a friendship? It's just not what it used to be. So, like I said, let's go ahead and dive right in straight into it. Let's start with like, why does this happen? Why do people who we were once inseparable start to drift away? You know one thing is one you're not the same person anymore. That's one. Growth is a beautiful thing, but not everyone is growing at the same pace. Maybe you've been working on yourself, healing, leveling up, chasing goals and your friend, they're still where they were five years ago and instead of seeing your growth as inspiration, they see it as a threat, right.

Speaker 1:

So second thing could be life takes you in a different direction. Maybe it's your career, career moves. Maybe it's a relationship you got into. You got a new boo, right. Maybe it's just personal. You know you evolving personally, but life has a way of pulling people onto different paths, and that's okay. But sometimes those paths don't cross like they used to Mm-hmm, and that's okay, but sometimes those paths don't cross like they used to Mm-hmm. Third thing could be you no longer relate. And this one is real.

Speaker 1:

You've ever been around an old friend and realized that you know the conversations didn't hit the same anymore, like y'all used to talk for hours, but now it's just dry radio silence. Right, you know these things used to. You know the things you used to bond over. It don't matter to you anymore. And instead of feeling connected, you feel disconnected.

Speaker 1:

Fourth thing could be they take your growth personally. Yeah, I'm going to let y'all sit with that one. They take your growth personally. Let that sink in, because this is where it gets tricky. Some people don't even realize they feel some type of way about your growth, but you can feel it in how they move. Maybe they don't check in like they used to, maybe they're always too busy now. Maybe when you do talk to them, there's an energy shift, like they're low key, irritated by your progress. And here's the hard truth Not everyone is meant to go where you're going. And when you start elevating, you're going to lose some people, not because you've changed, but because they didn't and they don't want to see that because it's themselves. No one would ever point that finger at themselves first. They're not going to do that.

Speaker 1:

So let me tell you about a personal story. Yeah, I'm going to get a little personal about me. So y'all know I always got to keep it real with my own experiences. And let me tell you this one kind of hit hard. I had a friend who was like family to me. We had been tight for years, talked every day, hung out all the time, did events and things of that nature. Went to each other's houses and you know, just hung out. Events and things of that nature went to each other's houses and, you know, just hung out.

Speaker 1:

But as I started stepping into new seasons in my life, I noticed she wasn't really vibing with it. You know it started like small little side comments, little jokes about me doing too much. You heard that girl, you doing too much or acting different. You, bougie, you know I used to hear that, oh, you changing, oh you acting, bougie. Now, yeah, I was right. Okay, I'm evolving, I'm growing, I'm learning, right.

Speaker 1:

So at first I brushed it off. But then the distance started. She stopped reaching out when I invite her to things. She always had an excuse, and when we did talk it was like forced, yeah, like I was holding on to a version of us that didn't exist anymore. As much as I wanted it to, it just wasn't there.

Speaker 1:

So one day I sat with it. I had to admit the truth to myself. We had outgrown each other and it wasn't anybody's fault, it wasn't any beef, it wasn't any drama, it was just life. And y'all know what they say now, life be life in y'all, for real it does. And y'all know what they say now, life be life in y'all, for real, it does. And as much as I loved her, I couldn't shrink myself to keep that friendship alive. And I had to admit that. And that was hard, right Gosh, that was hard and that definitely was one of the hardest things I had to accept, but I did.

Speaker 1:

So. How to handle outgrown a friendship, y'all. So now that we know why this happens, let's talk about how to handle it, because outgrown a friendship can feel like a silent breakup, and I know I'm not the only one who has felt this type of pain. So one thing accept that it's okay to evolve because growth is supposed to happen. You're not meant to stay the same, just to keep people comfortable. And if your growth makes someone uncomfortable, that's their journey to figure out, it's not yours to fix. No, no. Number two stop holding on to dead weight. Yes, I said it, dead weight. Because sometimes we hold on to friendships out of guilt, out of history, out of we've been through so much together, you know. But, sis, history don't mean a damn thing if the friendship ain't serving you anymore or any purpose Anymore. Yeah, no, stop holding on to that way.

Speaker 1:

Three the third thing is mourn the friendship and give yourself grace, because losing a friend, especially someone who was like family, hurts and it's okay to be sad about it, it's okay to feel the loss, but don't let that loss keep you stuck in a space where you're no longer meant to be, because the thing is it's just like a relationship with a man or a woman whoever's listening, you know with the opposite sex. It's like a relationship and I say that because when you're in relationships you have a breakup right. Sometimes it could be silent, sometimes they ghost you and after you've put your heart, energy, everything into that relationship, that hurts, when you have to let that go, you lose that right. So, just like any other relationship that you get into. These friendships are the same. You've invested your heart into it. So you have to give yourself the grieving process and you have to give yourself grace and time to get over that and heal from it.

Speaker 1:

Lastly, let go without hate, because not every ending of a relationship friendship needs to have a dramatic exit. Sometimes it's just a quiet realization that y'all aren't aligned anymore, and that's okay. You can love people from a distance and you can wish them well without staying connected. You sure can Y'all. When I tell you this one, I know, I know how it feels. I've walked this walk so many times and I've put my heart on the line. I put my heart out there and I know that, um, like I said, you have to give yourself time, give yourself grace. You got to get over that. But it does hurt like a mud. You know what I'm saying. It hurts, um, you know.

Speaker 1:

I know this one hit different, because outgrowing friendships it's a pain, that it's just like you don't want to talk about it, right? But I hope today's episode helped. You see that it's OK to move on, it's OK to evolve and it's OK to let go when something no longer fits who you are becoming. So tell me this have you all grown a friendship and how did you handle it? I want to know. So I want you to get in touch with me, dm me, whatever you got to do to reach out to me, I want to hear your story and, do me a favor Share this episode with somebody who needs to hear it, because I know I'm not the only one that's going through this or has been through this, because somebody who's holding on to a friendship that they know deep down is no longer aligned, because, sis, we're not shrinking ourselves in 2025. No, we're not doing it, period.

Speaker 1:

And outgrowing friendships. It ain't easy, but you know what can cut even deeper than that, ooh baby. What can cut deeper than outgrowing friendships and ending those friendships silently or things like that is when it's your own family y'all. Because, let's be real, sometimes the people who hurt you the most, who betray you the worst, ain't your friends. It's the ones who share your blood that started with the same last name, okay, the ones you grew up with, the ones you thought would always have your back, have your back, cheer you on and be excited and happy for you. And that's what we're talking about. The next episode Family betrayal, when blood ain't thicker than water, because some of us have had to learn the hard way that just because someone is family don't mean they're loyal, and that's that's the pain that hits different and deeper than you can imagine.

Speaker 1:

So make sure you're subscribed, because next episode we're going there. Trust we are going there, baby. And in the meantime, like I said, dm me, email me, get in touch with me. You can leave your comments, follow us on Facebook, love our talks and, as always, protect your energy. Keep growing and I will talk to you guys on the next episode.

Speaker 1:

But before I do go, I want to let you guys know and remind you that my new book, love's Secret Playbook it is out right now Love's Secret Playbook the Guide to Winning at Love. That book is packed with so much to work through. It is actually a workbook. You will be filling out information in there. It's going to allow you to think about past things that you've gone through and it's going to allow you to also plan and focus on future goals. So definitely check that book out. It is a workbook, if you know what a workbook is. You got to do the work. You got to fill in information, fill in the blanks, right.

Speaker 1:

It starts with learning who you are, creating an environment for self-love, doing your affirmations every day, manifesting the love that you want to attract, because for you to attract a good person, you have to become a good person. Put out that energy that you want to receive. You have to work on you first. And then our book goes into dating looking for red flags we know what green flags are. It goes into those topics as well, and it works with you as a couple, whether you just started out dating, whether you have been together dating. It helps you plan date nights. It's fun things to do while you're in a relationship.

Speaker 1:

You can find that book at theloveplacenet as well as on Amazon, so just search Love's Secret Playbook. So, like I said to winning at love by your girl, katrina Love. All right. Well, I'll talk to you guys later it's the next episode but oh, before I go, I want to remind you that each day holds the promise of a new beginning. So be better, do better, love harder than the day before, because your best days aren't behind you, they're being written today. So keep moving forward, because your potential is limitless. All right, love you guys.