Love Our Talks

Blood, Betrayal, and Boundaries

• KLove • Season 2 • Episode 20

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Family betrayal cuts deeper than other relationships because we're raised to believe blood is thicker than water, but the reality is that sometimes our family members become our biggest sources of pain and disappointment.

• When family members secretly resent your growth and success instead of celebrating with you
• How some relatives compete with you rather than support your achievements 
• The painful experience of family members who smile in your face but talk behind your back
• Dealing with relatives who disappear when you're struggling but only show up when it benefits them
• Personal story of family members who made insensitive comments during health struggles
• Understanding that family jealousy often stems from unresolved trauma and their own insecurities
• Learning that loyalty is a choice, not a birthright guaranteed by DNA
• Setting firm boundaries with toxic family members despite cultural pressure
• Creating your own chosen family of people who genuinely support and love you
• Preview of next episode on "frenemies" and recognizing fake support in friendships

DM me about your experiences with family betrayal so we can continue this important conversation and support each other through these difficult relationships.


We want to hear from you!

Thank you joining  Love Our Talks and listening to these juicy topics!

Speaker 1:

Hey, loves, welcome to another captivating episode of Love, our Talks, the podcast where we dive into all things juicy about love, dating, relationships, entertainment and wellness. I am your host, k-love, and today y'all we're diving into a topic that cuts very, very deep, because if you've ever been betrayed by someone who shares your blood, you already know this kind of pain ain't like no other Friendships. Ending hurts, yes, but when it's family, baby, it hits on a different level. It shakes something in you. Okay, so, because we grow up being told family is everything, blood is thicker than water. You got to stick with your family, no matter what. But what happens when the very people who are supposed to protect you, ride for you and support you are the ones who turn on you? What happens when the people you expected to be your biggest supporters, your biggest fans, they, turn out to be your biggest haters, when jealousy, resentment and old wounds make them treat you worse than a stranger off the street man? So today, today, we are talking about family betrayal, why it happens, how it shows up and, most importantly, how to deal with it without losing yourself in the process. So grab your wine, your coffee, your tea, your smoothie or your drink of choice, because this one, yeah, this one, this one is personal and it's personal because, yeah, definitely been, yeah, I am. I took a little time because I've been recovering from some digestive issues and so, um, yeah, I'm recovering from that, I'm still going through, but we're, we're, we're looking, things are looking good, right. So I couldn't dive really into this topic because, um, I didn't want it to trigger anything and, um, and we talk about I always say we're going to talk about wellness. Just, really brief, I want to definitely get into the episodes about wellness and talk about those things that a lot of people don't talk about when it comes to their health, and one being I've definitely have experience with, and that is digestive issues, and so I wanted to um episodes about those as well. Um, so I look forward to that. But I did have to, um, take a little beat, um, and get things together, get my mental together, you know, make sure there's no stressors, because, yes, this topic is definitely a hot point for me and it is personal, but I want to cover this and get it out. So let's go ahead and dive on in, all right.

Speaker 1:

So when family becomes your biggest enemy, let's be real. Sometimes the people who know you the longest hurt you the most. And family betrayal. It doesn't always come in the form of a big dramatic moment, you know. Sometimes it's the subtle things that cut the deepest. The family members who secretly resent you even feel like you know.

Speaker 1:

Because here's the thing. Have you ever felt like a certain family member has been throwing shade at you for years? Like, no matter what you do, they have some negative to say, okay, okay. So sometimes it's because they see you growing in ways they never did and instead of being proud of you, they're bitter. You know, the ones who compete instead of support families should be happy for you when you win right. But for some reason, when you start doing well, certain family members act like it's a personal attack on them, like your success is taking something away from them. Instead of cheering for you, you know, they start competing, trying to one-up you right or downplay what you've achieved.

Speaker 1:

We also have something called the backstabbers who smile in your face, trying to one-up you right or downplay what you've achieved. We also have something called the backstabbers who smile in your face. You know these are the ones who act like they love you but secretly talk about you behind your back. You know they'll hug you at the cookout, you know. But be the first ones to spread lies about you when you're not around. And what hurts the most you never expected it was from them Not at all. You know the family that turns their back on you when you need them the most. You have to go through something heavy, right, yeah, whether it's financial struggles, relationship struggles, health issues, like I mentioned, and you realize the people you thought would be there for you. They ain't. And it's crazy how some family members will watch you struggle, act like they don't see you drowning and only show up when it benefits them. See you drowning and only show up when it benefits them. Yeah, you know just a little bit about a personal story. When family showed up, showed me who they really were. Y'all know I always keep it real. So let me share my own personal, like I said, experience.

Speaker 1:

There was a time in my life when I was really going through it and I said I struggle with digestive issues and it's been about 13 years and you never know when it's going to flare. You never know when it's going to rear its ugly head. You know I needed support, I needed encouragement, I needed my family to be there for me, and instead I got distance, I got silence, I got whispers behind my back, I got smart comments oh, you always got something wrong with you. Oh, it's not always about you. See, some of them weren't even strangers. To my pain, they witnessed it firsthand, they knew what I was going through, right, and they just chose to say smart comments or to choose not to care.

Speaker 1:

And the thing is that hurt the most wasn't just the betrayal, you know, it was realizing that I would never have done them like that. I always show up for my people. I'm always going to be supportive. I'm that number one fan, because when those roles were reversed, that was me Show up. I would have had their back, but they didn't have mine.

Speaker 1:

That's when I learned a hard truth Family is not about blood, it's about loyalty, it's about love, and sometimes the people you share DNA with will never be your real family, and that's okay. I've definitely come to realize that. You know, I used to say it's just like trying to fit a square into a circle, right? The only thing that they have in common is that they're both shapes, a square and a circle. They're both shapes, just like your family, the one thing that you really have in common is that you're just blood related, that's it, and sometimes you're not meant to fit together, just like that circle can't fit in that square.

Speaker 1:

So why does family betrayal happen? Why does that family betrayal happen? So one it could be generational jealousy and unresolved trauma. Right, sometimes family members carry resentment that has nothing to do with you. They're mad about things from their past, their own past, their own failures, their own regrets, and they project on to you. Real, you know, some family members feel like they were overlooked, like you got opportunities they never did, and instead of dealing with those emotions, they take it out on you. Boo, right, let me get some water. Another thing is they can't control you anymore. Another thing is they can't control you anymore.

Speaker 1:

So when you stop being who they want you to be, when you set boundaries, when you refuse to tolerate toxic behavior, smart comments and all those things anymore, that's when some family members start treating you differently. Okay, now they distance themselves, no-transcript. So the thing is, what you have to do is you have to understand it, realize it, and now you have to protect your peace. And so how do you handle it? Because cutting off family, it ain't easy, but neither is staying in a toxic situation, just like you wouldn't stay in a toxic relationship with a guy. And just because you share blood, no with the guy. And just because you share blood no.

Speaker 1:

First you have to accept that blood doesn't equal loyalty. Just because someone is family doesn't mean they have your best interest at heart. Loyalty is a choice, not a birthright. Number two you got to stop chasing love and validation from these people. Some family members will never love you the way you deserve, and that's a hard pill to swallow. But the sooner you stop expecting them to be who they can't be, the sooner you'll be at peace with that.

Speaker 1:

And the third thing is, like I said, set boundaries, and you got to mean it. If someone constantly disrespects you, brings negativity into your life or drains your energy, you have every right to distance yourself. You do not have to keep toxic people in your life. It's your life just because they're your family. Okay. And the fourth thing is create your own family. Family isn't who you're born into, it's who you choose. Find your people, build your circle, surround yourself with love, even if it doesn't come from people you expected it. Oh yeah, like I said, this was going to be interesting. It's going to be heavy. Yeah, so I already know today's episode on family betrayal. It definitely cut and hit deep, because when the people who are supposed to love and protect you turn against you, that's a pain, like I said, like no other. But let me tell you something Sometimes the betrayal doesn't just come from family. Sometimes it comes from the people you call, like I said, your best friend.

Speaker 1:

We dove into those topics before, but we're going to go a little bit more deeper on the next episode with friendships. Right, we're going to go back there, okay, and that's exactly what we're getting into, like I said, the next episode, the frenemy phenomenon, because, let's be real, not everyone smiling in your face is really for you. Because, let's be real, not everyone smiling in your face is really for you. Some folks are just keeping up appearances while secretly hoping you fail. Some pretend to be in your corner, but behind the scenes, baby, they're in silent competition with you. So you got to always be careful. And how do you spot a frenemy? What are the subtle signs that someone is secretly hating while acting like they care? I'm telling you, you're going to learn all this. We're going to talk about this and dive into this on the next episode.

Speaker 1:

So make sure you subscribe, because next episode we're, like I said, exposing all this stuff, fake love, breaking down how to keep your circle tight. In the meantime, go ahead and DM me, let me know if you've been through something like this with family betrayal, and let's keep the conversation going because, you know, I appreciate the people that has reached out to me, um, about the episodes that I have posted and about our conversations. I truly appreciate those, um, um, the messages that you send me. Um, I value that, I appreciate it and I see you and I understand and I'm glad that, um, what um we talk about it's it's definitely encouraging you and it's helping you, because that means a lot. That's why I chose to do the podcast, because I love to help people, I want to see you win in life and I want to help you out, if I can, okay. So, like I said, I'm Kayla and thank you for tuning in to Love Our Talks and I'll see you on the next one. Bye.