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Stop Proving You're Worth Loving! YOU ARE ENOUGH!!

• KLove

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We explore the exhausting cycle of trying to prove our worth in relationships and how to break free from this pattern of performative love.

• Performative love occurs when we overextend ourselves for people who give us crumbs in return
• This pattern often stems from childhood trauma where love was conditional upon performance
• Real love is soft, mutual, peaceful, and doesn't require a performance
• Stop trying to earn love and start recognizing your inherent worth
• Healing includes sitting with your inner child, using affirmations, and creating new standards
• Setting boundaries may mean some people don't understand, but distance can be protection
• The right people will see your worth without requiring you to prove it

Continue to be bold in your healing, brave in who you're becoming, and grounded in love that knows its worth. Keep growing, keep glowing, and never settle for less than real.


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Speaker 1:

Welcome back to another episode of Love Art Talks, the podcast that gives real talk on love, relationships, dating, wellness and entertainment. I'm your host, k Love, and again we are in season three, y'all, and I'm super, super excited. See, I'm your certified matchmaker and love advisor and y'all. Today's episode might just snatch your soul just a little bit, okay, in the best way possible, though. So, because today we're talking about something too many of us are silently battling, okay, and that's you keep trying to prove your worth loving. I need y'all to stop that. Just stop right now. Stop it, and I just want you to let that sink in just for a moment. You keep trying to prove your worth loving. Think about who you've been doing that with. Think about who you've been trying to overdo things with. Yeah, think about that. You've been trying to earn love, to deserve care, to convince someone to choose you, but let me tell you, love is not something you perform for. It's something you receive because of who you are, not what you do, okay, so let's talk about what I mean by perform, and that's called like performative love, right? You ever find yourself doing the most in a relationship or just for someone, and you know you overextend. You become emotionally like available for someone who gives you crumbs, you turn into their safe place, their cheerleader, their therapist, their peace. They place their cheerleader, their therapist, their peace. But the second you need something, suddenly they're not available or they're distracted or dismissive. They're too busy to talk. And let me say this with love to you If you have to perform to be loved, that's not love, it's emotional labor disguised as a relationship.

Speaker 1:

Y'all Real quick. You know I like to talk about little personal things. You know, there was a time I'm not even going to lie I was the girl who bent over backwards. And I, you know, bent over backwards. I thought if I just showed how loyal I was, I was that, how ride or die I could be, that they see me, that they stay, you know, stick around. But what I realized was the people I was trying to prove myself to. They weren't capable of loving me. In return, they were just drawn to what I could do, what I could give, not for who I was. Okay, and let's get real, it wasn't just romantic relationships, it was friendships, it was family situations where I felt like I had to constantly earn my place, since I was young y'all. And that's trauma, that's emotional conditioning and that's something we unlearn. You know right here we're going to do that together.

Speaker 1:

So ask yourself I need you to just ask yourself pause and reflect real quick. Are you constantly giving without being poured into and do you feel anxious if you're not doing enough in a relationship? In a relationship, or do you feel and do you believe you have to prove your value just to keep them? And if any of those hit home, this is your wake-up call For real, for real, okay.

Speaker 1:

So the thing is, if you're a spiritual person, listen to me, god didn't create you to beg for love. God didn't form you in the womb, pour purpose into your soul just for you to chase people who don't see your work. You were born valuable, you were loved before you even know it, and your spirit deserves rest, not performance, and the right person will love you without needing a show. There's no lights, camera, action. No, it's not that. As in the Bible, romans 5.8 says, while we were still sinners, christ died for us. So even in your mess, you were already loved, and I listened to Pastor PMJ. He said if they can only love you when you're broken, they were never sent to help you. Heal Y'all right there, right there. See, real love doesn't require a performance. So stop auditioning for people who don't even know how to value what God already approved. Stop it.

Speaker 1:

I want to go ahead and go a little deeper, because I want to. Let's think about why. Why do we feel, or why do we feel the need to prove ourselves? Probably comes from childhood neglect, abandonment, trauma, rejection, wounds and family dynamics where love was conditional and some of us grew up being praised only when we performed. Right, think about it. Yeah, when we got the grades, helped around the house, kept the peace, you know. So, as adults, we start believing if I don't do enough, then I'm not enough. Y'all. Just let that go ahead and let that. Pause there. Breathe through that, think about that, reflect on that and let's talk about what love should feel like. So let me remind you again what real love should look like.

Speaker 1:

Love is soft, y'all. It's not performative. And love is mutual, not one-sided. It's not a one-way street baby, it's not. And love feels like peace, not one-sided, it's not a one-way street baby, it's not. And love feels like peace, not pressure. Love feels safe, right, not strategic.

Speaker 1:

And love says come as you are, not, convince me to stay so when you stop proving and start receiving, that's when you're going to notice that shift. Okay, you start preserving yourself, you start attracting people who love your soul, not just what you do for them. You stop chasing and you start aligning. You become a magnet. You're not anxious anymore and you stop begging to be seen and you realize you've been worthy all along.

Speaker 1:

Now I want to give y'all just a few little steps and things of how you can possibly get there, and this is something that you could do, like anyone can do this, but first you have to be intentional about what you're doing with yourself. So I need you to just sit with your inner child, write that person a letter, write yourself a letter and let yourself know that you don't have to keep proving yourself anymore and that you are loved right now, as is, and also start saying affirmations. Affirm your worth out loud. Say it out loud. I am worthy of love. That doesn't need convincing. My value isn't up for debate and I deserve rest, not performance. Start creating new standards for debate and I deserve rest, not performance. Start creating new standards for yourself no more one-sided love, no more proving, and if they can't love you and your softness, they don't deserve access to you. No, for what? For what? For what? So get comfortable being misunderstood and get comfortable being by yourself sometimes, because in that space you're going to find peace. You're going to find so much peace by yourself sometimes, and some people won't understand your boundaries and if they can't, you got to let them go. Silence is peace. Distance is your protection and God will send replacements who don't require explanations.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, so you know I love hearing feedback from my listeners. I truly do, the people that actually reach out. They DM me and I love that. I get it. I love getting notes and like said DMs about the show, what you've heard. And one of my listeners messaged me and said hey, kayla, I love everything you're doing with your show. I really Take in the Advice that you're giving.

Speaker 1:

And this person said I walked away from Someone I love so deeply Because I realized I love them More than I love myself, so I had To let them go. I love them more than I love myself, so I had to let them go. I'm like, wow, wow. You know that's powerful and that's what this episode is about and that's what I am really trying to do with this podcast is reach people so we can all be on a healing journey together, right, okay, but with this episode, I just need you to stop performing and start understanding that you got to start healing yourself. Stop proving you're worth loving. You already are. The right ones will see you. They will see you, boo, and the wrong ones will test you yeah, but either way, it's not on you to perform, it's on them to recognize. So stop proving it and start receiving what's to come to you.

Speaker 1:

Okay, so I man, this was, I told you all. It was going to be a deep one, this was going to be a soul Like this makes you think, and you know, I'm really hoping this resonates with someone and share this with someone that you think or feel that they're going through it. Okay, I'm K Love, your certified matchmaker and love advisor, and this is Love Our Talks. So thank you, guys for rocking with me, for, like I said, healing with me and for knowing that you don't have to do anything else but be your authentic self and continue to be bold in your healing, brave in who you're becoming and grounded in love that knows its worth. So, until next time, keep growing, keep glowing and never settle for less than real. All right, until next time. We love our talks, bye.