Love Our Talks

Do You Teach Someone How to Love You… or Risk Being Unloved?

• KLove • Season 3 • Episode 3

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K-Love explores the crucial relationship question of whether we should teach someone how to love us or let them love us their way, challenging the idea that authentic love means never communicating your needs. The episode dives into how unspoken needs create silent resentment that builds over time and can ultimately lead to relationship breakdown.

• The dangerous myth that telling someone how to love you makes their love inauthentic
• Why receiving love in your partner's language might leave you feeling unloved if it doesn't match your needs
• How unspoken needs accumulate and transform into resentment, distance, and sometimes infidelity
• Understanding that each person's experience of feeling loved is unique, just like our bodies
• Finding the balance between authenticity and communication creates partnership, not performance
• Importance of speaking up about your needs while also being open to how your partner naturally gives love

Don't forget to head over to theloveplacenet to grab your "Minding my God Givin Business" tee and pick up my new book, "Love's Secret Playbook: The Guide to Winning at Love.

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Speaker 1:

Hey, hey, hey, loves, Welcome back to another episode of Love Our Talks. I'm your girl K-Love, I'm your host, your certified matchmaker and a love advisor, and today we're going to talk about something that is pretty deep, okay, but it definitely you know something that we really need to talk about. It. Definitely you know something that we really need to talk about. Hmm, see, this episode is called should you teach someone how to love you or should you let them love you their way? So, y'all, I was sitting here just minding my God-given and was listening to another podcast the other day and this brother said something that made me stop in my tracks because I was sipping on my smoothie, and he said you should let a man love you the way he wants to love you, because that's when it's real, and if you tell him how to love you, that's not authentic, it's an act. Yeah, y'all heard it. I'm going to repeat that. He said you should let a man love you the way he wants to love you, because that's when it's real, and if you tell him how to love you, that's not authentic, it's an act. Now, at first I was like, hmm, okay, I hear you, because authenticity matters, right, but that's when that Scorpio kicked in and was like you know, I started thinking a little bit deeper. If you never tell your partner what makes you feel loved, are you really fulfilled? Or are you quietly building resentment, pretending you're okay until one day you're not? See, yes, it's true, love feels the best when it is authentic. Right, absolutely, you know, when it's not forced. Um. But here's the flip side authentic, authentic for him might not equal fulfilled for you. So if his love is acts of service but you crave words of affirmation, you might not even recognize the love he's pouring out. And the longer you go without speaking up, the more you start to feel unseen, untouched, unloved. See, that's when the cracks start forming. Okay, yeah, see, unspoken needs don't disappear, baby, they don't. They pile up and up and up and up. They turn into silent resentments, cold distance, even temptation. Now let's be real.

Speaker 1:

When people step out, it's not always about lust. Sometimes it's about starvation. You know, you're starving for affection, starving for attention or just to be seen. And all of that could have been avoided with one real conversation Just saying baby, this is how I need to feel loved, that's it. Need to feel loved, that's it. So this is why the love language hits so hard. You got your words, your acts, your touch, your gifts and quality time right.

Speaker 1:

But here's the thing Just like every woman's body is different, love is too. And the way he loved that last woman love his too. And the way he loved that last woman. That might be, that might might've been perfect for her, but it didn't mean it'll work for you. No, not at all, not at all, not at all. Sorry y'all. Okay, so not at all.

Speaker 1:

But you can't assume that because he did X, y and Z in his last relationship and she received it as love, that you'll feel love the same way. What touched her heart may not touch yours. It's like clothes. What hugged her curves just right, okay, just right might not fit your body at all. And if you don't speak up, sis, you'll be walking around in something that doesn't fit, wondering why you feel uncomfortable in your own relationship. So here's the truth.

Speaker 1:

Love isn't about control, but it's not about being silent either. You don't hand him a script and say, hey, perform this role. But you also don't sit in silence Praying. He'll just magically know he's a wizard. No, he is not. It's about courage. The courage to say this is how I feel loved, while also being open enough to ask show me how you love too. It's both ways, but it can go both ways, because the dangerous, the most dangerous love is the one that looks good on the outside but leaves you starving on the inside. So let me leave you with this If you never told your partner how to love you, could you still be fulfilled 10 years from now? Or would you be carrying around silent resentment, waiting for him to figure it out, while your heart stayed empty? Love isn't just about what feels authentic to him. It's not just about what feels good to him. It's not just about what feels good to you. The real magic happens when those two things meet in the middle. To be honest, you know, authenticity plus communication. That's when love stops being in a performance and becomes a partnership.

Speaker 1:

And before I let y'all go, make sure you head on over to theloveplacenet and grab your Minding my God Giving Business tee, and we will also be redesigning that tee as well, so we can have multiple options of styles, because protecting your peace is a part of protecting. And while you're there, don't forget to pick up my new book, love's Secret Playbook the Guide to Winning at Love. This stuff is in there, y'all. It is going to guide you and show you. It is a workbook. It's going to guide you and show you, okay, how to have these conversations, so you don't feel like you're struggling to figure out what to say, how to say it, and things like that.

Speaker 1:

And, trust me, if today's conversation hit home, that book is going to bless your whole perspective on how you give and receive love, y'all, okay. So, oh, remember this, you guys, I'm always like to leave you with this little token. So, oh, remember this, you guys, I'm always like to leave you with this little token Be bold in your healing, brave in who you're becoming, and grounded in a love that knows it's worth. So, until next time, keep growing, keep glowing and never settle for less than real. Bye, I'm your girl and your host, kayla. Bye, until next time.